Wow! I have been negligent in posting the Happy Award that Tamika gave me several days ago, into my sidebar and now I have been honored again by Tabitha at Through my Eyes. I'm reluctant to bore you though, so if you are interested, here is my "Ten things that make me happy" post. I’ll add to last week's list, this online world, where people are so kind and encouraging and helpful. I’m grateful to you all!
Gosh though, it’s funny to receive this award today. I am not supposed to look at what I write in my Morning Pages exercises, and for the most part, have not. But, today the following surfaced, as I wrote: “So often we spend life doing what we think we should do, and fail to realize that we’ve buried what we must do. Then for some reason, the status quo changes and the ‘must do’s’ revolt and shoulder aside the clutter. As a result, life opens up, grows bigger, like a multi-colored piñata stuffed with surprise gifts, instead of sheer white curtains wafting by an open window. Time becomes less about minutes to live through, and more about moments to discover.”
Perhaps this sounds naive and trite, but as I wrote it I was thinking of the job I had up until last year--how I methodically plodded through my days, scheduled and routine, marching through life but missing it, stuck between a good pay-check and what I thought was a too-hard place. Then a shovel arrived, disguised as a pink slip, and I’ve emerged, digging myself out as if after a fierce snowstorm, brushing off my sleeves, unwinding the cotton strips that entombed my mummified spirit.
There are anxious moments each day to be sure. But here’s the thing. Every morning (once I get over the fact that it is still dark out), I rise engaged and motivated, with things on the agenda to look forward to. That drag-myself-out-of-bed-moaning, “Ugh, I have to go to that place again” feeling no longer descends. The room may be black but the gloom has dissipated, slipping like the cold through the leaks in our aging windows. Anxiety and fear still surface, but they are rocks that I kick as I walk along the road, flat stones I throw side-armed as I skip them into a calm teal sea.
I'm knocking on wood as I write this and searching for my rabbit's foot. I'll cross myself a few times just to make sure. After tossing some spilled salt over my shoulder though--I'll say this: Yup, I'm pretty sure this is what happy feels like.
The Happy 101 awards simply reflect it.