Here is my second campaigner challenge from Rach Writes. The instructions are long, so if you are interested in the various writing prompts and pictures, click here. I tried to use them all. Then I wrote a flash fiction (200 words or less), a pitch line (under 100 words) for a book (based on the flash fiction) and added a poem, (also based on the flash fiction). Oh yea, and I'm supposed to write in a genre I am an unfamiliar with. Well, folks, this is my first thriller. Let me know what you think. If you like it, please vote for me. I am number 30.
Light and Dark
“Are you crazy?” Paul rubbed his leg where it had scraped against the barnacle-covered rock. It’s 33 degrees out here.” I tossed my wet hair, shivering. Fat dollops of water dropped off my brow.
“Didn’t you see him? The kid with the ball? He was chasing it. I saw him from down below.”
“What kid?”
Ever since I got out of the hospital, he’s been waiting for me to start hallucinating again—an excuse to divorce me so he can take up with Elena. He doesn’t believe any of it happened before; the undulating strings of light that appeared when he was away, blinding me until I hid in a closet.
“Jill, I asked you. What kid?”
“He was there. Then a trawler motored by and he was gone. All I saw was the ball floating in the water. So I jumped in.”
Paul handed me his coat. “I’m going up to the club for dry clothes.” I stared at the water, digging for my reality like an impoverished child picking trash at a landfill.
When I turned, Paul stood in the distance passing something to a man. A boy in a red jacket bounced at his side.
Light and Dark
Thirty-year-old Jill Garrison delights in her photography career, until frightening things occur in her darkroom. Lights fail, the door locks, and strange smells make her choke. When she claims the live-action-stills she develops have come to life, her husband Paul, a sound and light engineer, forces her to seek psychiatric help. Jill wonders if she’s lost her mind until the day a boy with a ball mysteriously disappears and she witnesses her husband paying off a stranger. Then she begins to suspect she’s not crazy, at all.
Light and Dark is a 100,000 word psychological thriller.
Light and Dark
Time frozen,
a moment imprinted,
first glass,
then film,
a smiling
bride and groom.
A darkroom
safe haven
develops to ash.
Dream images
implode sanity,
until
all that is frozen
becomes real,
and all that is real
65 comments:
Paul will have to believe her now!
I think each piece is superb, but I especially liked the flash fiction. Just my thing. I would so totally read this book! That's why I voted for you! I'm entry #5 and found this a particularly difficult challenge. You did a great job!
Oh! Awesome response to a difficult challenge. I want to read the book now! :)
Oh wow!! Creepy and intriguing - I loved it! Jill isn't crazy!! It's her bad hubby! Yay! Thank you for sharing! Take care
x
I really enjoyed every bit of these! Such an intense story! I can't believe the husband would be so cruel! I knew he was responsible when you mention he was a light and sound engineer!
Really good.. I especially liked your flash fiction, one of the best examples of tying the prompts all together that I've seen. Throwing a 'like' your way for sure.
Kevin (#19)
Gotta love a creepy husband stalker killer. Well done!
Yes - write this book! So scary and you did each piece so well. I demand more - I'm a greedy reader after all.
this is great! psychological thriller!
Wow! Great post. And I really enjoyed your poem it was fantastic!
"...and all that is real becomes hell." <== Love it!!
Loved all of it, Liza! I'd definitely read the book. Wish I was a participant, just so I could vote for you! Well done! :~)
This was really good, sounds like it would be a very interesting story I already want to know more =)
I agree, this book must be written! Each piece was so well done. Great, great job!
That pitch is so cool! You should write that book, seriously!
I really love the poem. Well done. (#8, thanks for visiting and commenting.)
oh shit - good poem - really good - and suspense is hard to write - I think so anyway I would not attempt it. Kudos to you
#48
I'd love to read more of the photographer psycothriller. Intriguing. Great job with the poem as well. So few words with such meaning.
#54
I want to read more. I can't imagine it gets much worse than someone you are close to using your own sanity against you. Yikes.
New follower.
Great job, Liza! And I really like that it's not MG or YA. If you decide to turn this piece into a novel, please let me know. I want to read it!
Oooh. Hopefully she gets a little payback . . . sounds like a great thriller!
I LOVE this! They mystery, the conniving husband. Bwahahaha! It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Great job. :)
If this is an actual story of your, I am most intrigued. Sounds like someone is trying to make her think she's crazy. Nice one! :)
Nicely done! :)
I really like this. Love to read novels like this, too. Hint :)
Oooh, Paul is the evil one! Nicely done. I'd like to read more.
I agree, it would make a great book. Psychological warfare going on, that's the sort of thing I enjoy. Great use of the prompts too!
Excellent! Loved it.
Melissa Maygrove #14
Great job! I would leave out that he's a light and sound engineer to up the tension. Really enjoyed the story!
Nicely done Liza. "Dream images implode sanity" - love it.
I was thinking of going back and putting my pitch before my flash fiction until I saw how you did it. Reading the pitch first would have ruined your story. Great job!
The only thing I would do in the story is put a paragraph break after his dialog so her actions will be with her dialog in the second paragraph.
Your poem condenses everything into a razor-sharp hook. I'd almost want to put that in a blurb.
Spooky. Well done for someone who doesn't write in this genre.
I absolutely loved it and I don't read thrillers. Brilliantly done. I'll be voting. :D
Catherine Denton
Enjoyable and like your pitch, interesting storyline.
Ooo, creepy and mysterious. I'd definitely want to read more. Nice job!
Dang, you are gifted. I think you can write anything...
Bravo! *applause* Wonderful, Liza. The poem is excellent. And Light and Dark is mysterious. I'd read that book. :-)
Very suspenseful! What a sneaky hubby! If you ever decide to make this into a larger piece, I'd definitely be interested! I love how you linked the prompts and the poem is wonderful!
BTW, it's Susan from My Withershins. I often have to comment using this old account because sometimes Blogspot won't let me use Wordpress to comment. Thanks for commenting on mine, earlier, :)
Awesome work!! I'm really impressed, and I agree, that pitch is fantastic! I also enjoyed the poem!!
Great job! Love it! I see lots of talent there...
Nice job. What a sneaky husband.
Loved it! Intriguing and mysterious!
Ooh! How spooky! What an interesting take on the prompts, definately unique! I'm heading over to vote!
Wonderful! I loved the flash fiction.
Love the psychological twist of it. Sounds like you always write in this genre it's so good.
Clarbojahn
Excellent!! I'm going to vote now...
Oh poo. I think I'm too late to vote. But I thought your entry was wonderful!
Oh poo. I think I'm too late to vote. But I thought your entry was wonderful!
Because I so rarely see poetry, I'd say the third one is my fave. And what an ending!
Oh! This is so intriguing based on the pitch the scene presented. Really good job in such a concise amount. You captured everything from Paul's irritation to her concern and then the shock at seeing that her husband is trying to make her feel this way. Good job!
ooh, I like these! Especially the poem at the end. I liked you :)
Hi! I am one of the judges for the second challenge. I am happy to announce you are through to Round Two! Congratulations :D
Wow! I loved this! Great job! Off to "like" it!
-The Literary Mom #64
This is definitely my kind of a story... I looove the thriller genre!
I "liked" your entry! Fabulous job!
Excellent work in coordinating the pieces. I'm just waiting to read this exciting book!
I'd definitely read this book, if it was written. Intriguing theme!
Wow! Great job with all the elements!
Liza, you've been tagged on my blog!
Your campaign entry has been shortlisted and is advancing onto the semi-finals! Congrats and good luck!!
These are great! I particularly like the pitch
Nicely done. I hope she can convince someone to believe her what a scumbag Paul is.
That was a genius way to incorporate all the prompts. Great read!
If I picked up a book with your pitch on the back, I would buy it.
I was too late to enter the contest, but if you have some spare time, my story is here...
http://www.clairelfishback.blogspot.com/2012/03/boy-on-bridge.html
Claire
I loved reading your entry Liza. This line in your poem struck me in particular: “Dream images implode sanity, until all that is frozen becomes real, and all that is real becomes hell.” Congratulations - I've awarded you fourth place in the Judging Round! Make sure you check out my post to see the cool prizes you've won :)
Congrats again!
Hugs,
Rach
Great job! I loved it. Looking forward to more. Congratulations, and contact me as soon as you can. I left information on your professional site. Kathy S. Collier-Mehl
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