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Wednesday, May 5, 2021

Taking the Online Offline - IWSG May 2021

 

It's IWSG Day. The goal of this blog hop is to share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds. IWSG is the brainchild of  Alex Cavanaugh. To find links to other IWSG contributors, click here. Thank you to May co-hosts: Erika Beebe, PJ Colando, Tonja Drecker, Sadira Stone, and Cathrina Constantine.

This month’s optional question: Have any of your readers ever responded to your writing in a way that you didn't expect? If so, did it surprise you?

One of my earliest published pieces appeared in print and online. The essay, called “His and Her Unemployment" was a lighthearted look at the different ways in which my dear late-husband and I reacted to unwanted unemployment. His experience occurred earlier than mine when the company he worked at for 17-years went out of business. As for me, I wrote the essay real time, a few weeks after my position was eliminated in an economic downsizing.

All that time ago, my husband had been business-like about searching for employment. When he wasn’t focused on that, he used his free time to complete projects around our house. Because there had been anticipation his company would go under, he’d had a mental lead-up to his change in circumstances. While it wasn’t easy, when it happened, he got down to work, both job-search and otherwise. I, on the other hand, had zero warning. After 23 years, I was called to a meeting at two o’clock one afternoon. By four, I was out the door, dizzy with the speed and awfulness of it.

Like my husband, I updated my resume, attended outplacement meetings, (started this blog) and networked like crazy. But unlike him, I didn’t pick up a hammer or paintbrush. Once I completed my job search work each day (even now I feel the need to italicize that), I walked to clear my head. I met friends for hikes or coffee (picking their brains for career tips, I may add, as I figured out what would come next). I made trips to the city, visited family and, recognizing my husband’s diligence, wrote the essay acknowledging how much he’d done around the house when he was off work— admitting (wink, wink) the same couldn’t be said for me. I ended it tongue-in-cheek with something like, “There’s no escaping it. Pretty soon, I think I’ll have to paint the front porch.”

Along with the walking and the coffees, I was actively seeking employment and I believed the essay made that clear, until one anonymous reader wrote what felt like a scathing comment suggesting if I was collecting unemployment I didn’t deserve to. Let's just say the tone was— unpleasant. The outrage shocked me. All I’d intended was to poke a little fun at myself while comparing my husband’s home improvement diligence to—ahem—my lack of home improvement diligence.

I was darn tickled to get that essay published, but the comment tempered my pride. Eventually, the piece was archived, but for longer than I wanted, anyone who read it online could find those negative words, which to me, implied I was a slacker. It was my first real lesson in being wary of what I write for publication—you never know what will set someone off—and it landed a proverbial gut punch once I realized jobs come and go, but online comments last forever.

 What feedback or comments have you received about your writing that surprised you?

Also, for anyone seeking a good book, may I recommend Little Matches, a Memoir of Grief and Light by Maryann O'Hara? Hopeful, heartbreaking, warming and real, her beautifully written message comes through loud and clear. Grief and joy can coexist. They're both elements of love.

 

19 comments:

Joanne said...

very interesting and perceptive post. Indeed - words matter. And words can be interpreted in many different ways. In our small scope of family and friends, folks know our tone. But when the words enter hyperspace - yowza, it's a whole other story. Key question? Did that porch ever get painted?
Thanks for the book tip - sounds excellent. Take care and keep walking and writing.

Jan Morrison said...

Yikes! That would really sting. The anonymous part is very telling, isn't it? An excellent Canadian journalist by the name of Heather Mallick calls such posters "angry pyjamas" which I find quite hilarious. There are many folks out there looking to be outraged by something. They have lost their sense of humour which means they've lost the ability to separate the truth from the stories they spin. They are to be pitied.

Keep on writing and querying - your sanity is what we all need a hit of!

Natalie Aguirre said...

That's too bad you received that thoughtless comment. Losing a job and looking for work is never easy, especially when you worked at the same job or so long. I worked at my job for about 23 years too. Because we were a law firm, we had a four-year wind down with funding for our company. It still was very traumatic, especially because I got my layoff notice on a really bad day about six months after I suddenly lost my husband. The beginning of my day started with a call to hospice to join a grief support group. At the end of the day, my boss shut my office door and gave me my notice.

cleemckenzie said...

That had to be a shocker. But glad you had the piece published.

Nick Wilford said...

Unfortunately there will always be heartless, callous people online. But their response says more about them than you. I think you handled it in a dignified way.

P.J. MacLayne said...

What Nick said!

Jenni said...

I can just tell from the bits you've told of your story here that this was a really good piece--and I like funny, especially when you're writing about something so difficult as unemployment.

Unfortunately, there are people out there that will find something to be angry about in just about anything. But I also think that getting a critical review is a sign that your work is getting out there and being read. When I see a book that only has 5 star reviews, it's usually because only a few people have read it.

Erika Beebe said...

I'm so sorry you experienced that negativity. It's hard to support yourself if there's nothing to pay the bills with. My first job was in sales. Needless to say, I was terrible at it and talked myself out of every sale. I made nothing at that job. I actually owed more on driving expenses. Thank goodness a solid opportunity fell into my lap three weeks after my start date. I would never have survived :) Chalk up the comment so someone who hasn't been in your shoes to understand. Happy IWSG Day.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

After writing anything that is public, you may get many who agree and a couple that don’t and those are the ones we remember. There are even some who are cruel. I once wrote a piece for our local paperwork about tolerance and one person called me out on it. She could not tolerate my words and it hurt. The kind comments went to the background as I stewed about the negative.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

You can't please everyone with your writing. There will always be some who take it the unintended way.

Empty Nest Insider said...

I'm sorry you had to deal with that ignorant person when you were trying to make light of a difficult situation by focusing on the good work your handy husband was doing around the house. I've known many slackers, and you Liza are certainly not one of them. Glad you didn't let this clueless twit keep you down for long. I admire your strength and many talents, Liza. I hope you have a Happy Mother's Day!

Julie

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You were actively looking for a job - that didn't mean you had to be a busy beaver twenty-four seven with other things. Sorry that comment was mean and it bothered you so much.
And sorry, but this post just showed up in my Feedly this morning!

Pat Garcia said...

Hi,
I will put the recommended book on my TBR list.

I also know how you feel about that scathing comment. I got one of those also and it is still online.

Have a great day.
Shalom aleichem,
Pat G @ EverythingMustChange

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Liza - some excellent comments here ... and I'd ask I wonder what that person did, or those were doing when they wrote those thoughts ... it's jolly difficult looking for a job - and your essay expressed it so well - both for your husband and your own efforts. It was good to read this ... in a time when we should all think about what we're intending to put on paper/ in to the social media sphere. Take care - Hilary

Tonja Drecker said...

You can't please everyone, and who knows what that reader's experiences were...or what they were going through at the time. And it sounds like an interesting read!

Carol Kilgore said...

Like with my novels (written about in my post this month), a writer can't control what the reader brings to the table. IMO we should learn from their comments but not be ruled by them. If there is something you want to write about, do so without fear. Find a better way to say something if you think it could be offensive or insensitive to a group of readers, but don't censor your thoughts. Nothing great comes from trying to please everyone.

mshatch said...

That person was a dink. You and your employer paid into unemployment precisely so you would have it if needed so poo on them! And I agree with Carol. You can't please everyone so write from the heart.

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Michael Di Gesu said...

Awful comment. I don't blame you for being upset...